This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
