I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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