The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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