You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
