Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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