First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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