it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
