There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
love makes seman taste better
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
