I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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