I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
