Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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