Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize