Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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