Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
