so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
