How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
