im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
