I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We were destined to go to rehab together
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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