Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
