sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
