im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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