Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
