So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
