508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
