there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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