I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
