I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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