I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
