i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
