That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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