Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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