when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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