this beer tastes like vomit already
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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