You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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