Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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