They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
