I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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