You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
