We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
