Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
