so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
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I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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