her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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