Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
