Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
