Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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