I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
