I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
