when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
