Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
