i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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