DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
