He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
