Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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