woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
