Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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