I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
