my vag is so smooth its legendary
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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