so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
