He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize