So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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