do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
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