I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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