sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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