You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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