My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize