Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
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If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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