He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
