Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
