The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
