i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
