Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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