At least make sure they are 18
Why
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
